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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Jay & Co. on ATM Fees, Rand Paul and More

May 25, 2010
Bill Maher: "How to describe Rand Paul? ... He's an ophthalmologist, he does a lot of LASIK surgery, and he has a lot of interesting points of view.... His big thing today was that the oil spill in the Gulf was the blame game. He said, 'Sometimes accidents happen.' Which is not really what you want to hear from the guy who's doing your LASIK surgery."

Jay Leno: "BP is saying that the oil leak is bigger than they estimated. In a related story, the executives at BP are far bigger idiots than we estimated."

Jay Leno: "A very embarrassing moment for Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal, who was running for the Senate. He's the guy who lied about his war record. He was overheard telling his wife, 'After the campaign, let's take a vacation and go somewhere I've never been.' She said, 'How about Vietnam?'"

David Letterman: "Elena Kagan is the new Supreme Court nominee. If she's not confirmed, she is a Mets fan, so she's used to disappointment."

Jimmy Kimmel: "They put a cap on ATM transaction fees, though a lot of the senators didn't want to discuss it because they've never used an ATM. The Senate has mobile cash machines — they're called 'lobbyists.'"

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