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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

'Ands' and 'Buts' and Squeezing Nuts

Oct 17, 2013

"It's gotten too bad that after years of sliding poll numbers, now the approval ratings of Congress has hit a record low of just 5 percent. There are a lot of pressing questions, namely, who's in the five percent that still approves of Congress?" –Jimmy Fallon

"There's a new restaurant in New York that doesn't let customers talk to each other during their meals. When they heard that, Obama and Republicans said, 'Table for 200 please?'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Georgia Republican Congressman Phil Gingrey said it's time for his party to have a 'Braveheart' moment for the American people. Really? This whole government shutdown feels like another Mel Gibson movie: 'Ransom.'" –Jay Leno

"Talking to reporters today about the shutdown, John Boehner said, 'If ands or buts were candy and nuts, every day would be Christmas.' You know, if they'd get off our butts and quit squeezing our nuts, we could enjoy Christmas." –Jay Leno

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