Sep 04, 2009
Conan O'Brien: "State Department's conducting a big investigation into a wild party thrown at the U.S. embassy in Afghanistan. ... Of course, in Afghanistan, a wild party is any event where a girl takes her socks off."
Conan O'Brien: "In an interview, President Obama has said that picking up his dog Bo's poop is one of the highlights of his day. ... The interview was published in 'The Journal of Depressing Metaphors for the State of America.'"
Conan O'Brien: "Elmo from 'Sesame Street' is appearing in a new public service announcement informing people about swine flu. ... Doctors warn that if you see a red, furry, high-pitched monster informing you about swine flu, you may already have it."
David Letterman: "But now, [Dick Cheney] can't keep his mouth closed, and he's talking about he's really upset with the Obama Administration about the CIA torture probe. He said he can't stand it. He said it's a huge mistake and we shouldn't be doing it. ... And then he went back to his mountain fortress to create a mate for his monster."
Jimmy Fallon: "Summer vacation's sadly coming to an end. Not for the Obama family. They just got back from Martha's Vineyard. And now they're going on another vacation to Camp David. ... Joe Biden is really excited for the car trip. He loves sticking his head out the window."
Jimmy Fallon: "The Toyota Camry is the number one selling car in the U.S., because of the 'Cash for Clunkers' program. ... I think Obama's getting a little carried away. Now he's letting people trade in old American children for newer Japanese children."