"Well, earlier today, President Obama cancelled the annual White House Easter Egg Hunt. Instead, the kids are going to be on the lawn of the White House drilling for oil."
Jay Leno: "And it looks like Sarah Palin will be doing some kind of reality show on cable. They say her exact role on the show is unknown, kind of like when she campaigned for McCain."
Jay Leno: "Did you see John McCain with Sarah Palin next to him over the weekend? At first I thought it was Buzz Aldrin on 'Dancing with the Stars.'"
David Letterman: Top Ten Highlights Of Barack Obama's Oil Drilling Plan. "10. Everyone in America gets a free Sunoco travel mug. 9. Promises not to kill any endangered animals except the really tasty ones. 8. Kids drill free. 7. Drilling won't affect Scott Brown's visits to the beach. 6. Most extensive exploratory undertaking since Harry Smith's colonoscopy. 5. What? What? Ricky Martin's gay? 4. Fifty barrels of oil reserved each year for Mitt Romney's hair – zing! 3. Boys at Halliburton seem happy, which is good enough for us! 2. Provision for drilling the sun for solar power. 1. Drilling will begin in Glenn Beck's yard."
Jimmy Fallon: "Hey, you guys, baseball season starts next week. And President Obama is going to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. Meanwhile, Joe Biden will be on hand to make the first error."
Jimmy Fallon: "You guys hear about this? Sarah Palin has a new Fox News series, which is being described as a show about people with real life tales of overcoming adversity. Hey, she should do a story about that guy who became the first black president. That would be a good story. Think about that one."