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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

A Good Laugh

Jun 23, 2008

Jay Leno: “President Bush went to Iowa today.” He “wanted to show Iowans that disaster is difficult, but it can be overcome. Of course, people in Iowa were a little confused. They weren’t sure which disaster President Bush was talking about, the floods or his presidency. Which one?”

Jay Leno: “And Hillary Clinton is taking a month off from her job as senator to rest up from her campaign. How does that work? Think about this. You’ve been neglecting your job, trying to get a better job,” which you do not get. So, you then “take a month off from the job you were trying to get out of and go on vacation. Huh?”

Jay Leno: “Imagine if you tried that with your boss. ‘Hey, boss, listen. Boss, I’ll tell you, I’ve been looking for another job. I am exhausted! I want to take a month off. Here’s where you can send my check.’ Ah, stop it!”

Jay Leno: “And Michelle Obama, Barack Obama’s wife, was on ‘The View’ yesterday, and she managed to do something on that show that no one else has ever done. She got a word in edgewise.”

Jay Leno: “And President Bush spoke at a campaign rally in support of John McCain. They raised millions and millions of dollars, most of which will be used to repair the damage of President Bush supporting John McCain at a campaign rally.”

Conan O’Brien: “Yesterday on ‘The View,’” Barack Obama’s “wife Michelle did the fist-bump with all the co-hosts. … And then she said that the fist-bump is the new high-five.” After “hearing this, John McCain asked, ‘What the hell is a high-five?’”

Conan O’Brien: “The latest rumor is that Hillary Clinton,” who “lost the Democratic nomination,” is “going to divorce Bill Clinton. … Yeah, Hillary’s exact quote was, ‘Just because my dream didn’t come true doesn’t mean his shouldn’t.’”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Barack Obama announced today he will not accept $85 million in public financing for his presidential campaign. I guess he’s raising more money on his own,” but “$85 million is a lot of money.” In fact, that much money “can get you a whole summer’s worth of gas for your SUV.”

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Anonymous
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2:26 PM Jun 22nd
 
 
 
 
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