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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

A few late-nite jokes

Dec 21, 2009

Jay Leno: “Well, according to MSNBC, President Obama’s approval rating has now dipped below 50%. To tell you how bad it is, people are now finding ways to sneak out of the White House.”

Jay Leno: “Remember the phrase, ‘hope and change’? They amended it today. Now it’s ‘don’t give up hope, nothing is going to change.’”

Jay Leno: “And listen to this. After one single senator, just one senator -- Joe Lieberman of Connecticut -- was able to block passage of the Medicare buy-in provision of that healthcare bill, some people are calling for the Senate to begin experimenting with a whole new way of doing business. Yeah, it’s called majority rules. They’re thinking of trying it to see how it works.”

Jay Leno: “Well, on the news today, people are complaining that we can’t find Osama bin Laden in Afghanistan. Bin Laden in Afghanistan? We can’t even find Tiger Woods in Florida.”

David Letterman: “Well, here’s good news, I think. The Democrats down in Washington believe they have 60 votes to pass a healthcare bill. … That’s 58 Democrats and the Salahis. They’re going to go in there and vote.”

David Letterman: “But they don’t think that the healthcare bill will get passed before Christmas, unless they switch to the Mayan calendar.”

Jimmy Fallon: “According to a ‘New York Times’/CBS News poll, 26% of unemployed adults blame George W. Bush for the high unemployment rate. The other 74% blame the fact that they majored in English literature.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “It’s hard to believe there’s only two weeks left in 2009. President Obama is already said to be hard at work on his New Year’s resolutions. His plan for 2010 is to do all the things he said he was going to do this year.”

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