May 19, 2009
Jay Leno: "General Motors announced they're closing
over a thousand dealerships. A lot of people are blaming GM's new CEO,
some guy named Barack Obama."
Jay Leno: "Well, another gaffe by Vice President
Joe Biden. God bless Joe Biden. ... He's been our savior here. 'Newsweek'
is reporting that at the Gridiron Dinner, Joe Biden started talking and
accidentally revealed Dick Cheney's secret hiding place. See, there's
more proof you don't need waterboarding to get secret information. Just
give Joe Biden a couple of drinks."
David Letterman: "Here's something that I am very
excited about. Joe Biden, the current vice president, was yakking away
over the weekend. And he -- remember when Dick Cheney...was in an undisclosed
location and everybody thought – where? ... So supposedly top secret
information, classified information. And Joe Biden just says, 'No, I know
where he was. He was hiding under his house. ... Joe Biden is living proof
that people can give up sensitive information without being tortured."
Jimmy Fallon: "In the new issue of 'Newsweek,'
they're calling Barack Obama 'Spock with global sex appeal,' which is
a bit of coincidence because 'Time' magazine is calling Joe Biden 'Chewbacca
with fur plugs.'"