Sep 16, 2014
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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Late Night Humor

Jul 01, 2008
David Letterman: “Al Gore has endorsed Barack Obama for president. … Medical experts say this is great because it gives the Obama campaign a much needed shot of boredom.”

 

David Letterman: “Al Gore. Think about it.” If he endorses you, “you’re getting an endorsement from a guy who has received an Academy Award, received a Grammy,” and the “Nobel Prize.” Oh, and “Gore…also won a competitive eating contest.”

David Letterman: “And now, of course, going head to head, you have Barack Obama and John McCain. They’re already putting together debates. Here’s how it will be. Barack Obama says after each question, he wants a one-minute response. And John McCain says after each question, he wants a five- minute nap.”

Conan O’Brien: “Barack Obama’s staff and John McCain’s staff are busy now negotiating when the presidential debates will take place. … Yeah, Obama wants them to be in September, and McCain wants them to be after his nap, but before ‘Wheel of Fortune.’”

Conan O’Brien: “Speaking of Barack Obama, yesterday, Barack Obama said, if he becomes president, he will replace the White House bowling alleys because it’s something he would never use. … Yeah, apparently, this is the same reason President Bush got rid of the White House Library.”

Conan O’Brien: “This weekend, Barack Obama and Bill Clinton will be attending the same conference in Florida. … Yeah, the conference is sponsored by the National Association of Men Who Have Been Attacked by Hillary Clinton.” =


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COMMENTS (1 Comments)

jacksmith
I hope that all of us that can will do our best to help Hillary Clinton pay off ALL of her campaign debt quickly. She deserves that. You all knew Hillary, and Bill would go out on a limb for us if they felt they had too. That's what they do. :-) As I said before Hillary Clinton was STUNNING!!!

You witnessed the greatest political campaign struggle in American history. One for the textbooks, and the history books. Hillary Clinton fought her heart out against all odds to win for all of the American people. While at the same time doing her best to prepare Sen. Barack Obama to win in November if he was the nominee. STUNNING!!! WELL DONE HILLARY CLINTON. WELL DONE! Your AMAZING! :-)

Sen. Obama could not have had a better opponent than Hillary Clinton. Nor could he have had a better opponent to prepare him for the battle royal to come against John McCain and the Republicans ahead of the November elections. Hillary Clinton was like a big Mama cat determined to teach her kitten how to hunt, and hang with the big dogs for the fights ahead. The Clinton's have won the Whitehouse twice before. They know what it will take.

Hillary Clinton took Sen. Obama to every brawl, and cat fight she could find for him to develop his fight, and his chops. She even let her men (President Clinton, Governor Rendell, and many others) loose on Sen. Obama a little bit. So as to give Sen. Obama a taste of just how rough, and tough the big boys will be to do battle with. :-)

From sea to shining sea and US territories Hillary Clinton took Sen. Obama to see all of America. To meet, and greet all it's people. And to ask for their votes and support, which he will need if he becomes President. She took him to see what he will be fighting for. And to see what she and President Clinton have fought so heroically for over so many years. Sen. Obama could not have ask for any better. Nor had any better teachers.

Bill Clinton, Chelsea, Mrs. Rodham, and the whole Clinton team were magnificent. They really showed their metal. BRAVO! TEAM CLINTON... BRAVO!

And YOU! my fellow Americans. I'm so proud of you. And proud to be one of you. You showed what you are made of. And what makes America so great. You never gave up on your Champion Hillary Clinton. Time, and time again you eagerly waited your turn to vote for Hillary Clinton. To raise her up and pass her along down the line to the rest of your waiting fellow Americans.

You never gave up on her. Just as Hillary Clinton never gave up on you. No matter how many times they counted her out. No matter how many times her detractors, and attackers brutally knocked her down. You knew she would get back up and get after it. And when she did you were ready to support her. This is your role model America. AMERICA LOVES A FIGHTER. AMERICA UNDERSTANDS A FIGHTER. AMERICA IS A FIGHTER. I'M PROUD OF YOU AMERICA!

Sen. Clinton looked a little tired her first day back at work in the senate after her history making heroic campaign. She has good reason to be tired. Doesn't she America. But with time and good attention to the basics she, and you will recover. The basics are good well balanced nutrition, hydration, rest, exercise, recreation, POSITIVE! emotional support, and time (the greatest healer of all).

Y'all be good to President Clinton. I never saw a man fight so hard for a woman, and the American people as President Clinton fought for Hillary Clinton, and you. It's going to take Bill a while. No one except Hillary Clinton could have fought any harder than President Clinton did for you.

I imagine President Clinton still remembers how the American people wailed, reached, and cried out for him as he took that last flight home as your President on Air Force One after the 2000 elections. Yes, many of us knew back then what was coming for the American people under a republican administration. Back to living like dumb animals again. Fighting over territory, and scraps of meat. You are dieing like fly's now. Republicans too. But it's ok because some people are making a lot of money off of your needless deaths. :-(

As always, Hillary Clinton, and President Clinton did their best for all of us. It was an EPIC!

YOU MADE US VERY PROUD HILLARY CLINTON! HOLD YOUR HEAD HIGH :-)

WE LOVE YOU. AND ADMIRE YOU...

jacksmith... Working Class :-)
1:27 PM Jul 2nd
 
 
 
 
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