Sep 22, 2014
Home| Tools| Events| Blogs| Discussions Sign UpLogin

Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Leno Laughs

Jun 17, 2008
Jay Leno: “You know, I’ll tell you, things are not good. The price of oil doubled in less than a year. Home foreclosures are at a record high. Unemployment is surging. But yesterday…we saw a ray of hope. President Bush left the country. So maybe things will get better.”


Jay Leno: “Well, according to the most recent survey, 14% of the people believe that we will see $5 a gallon gas by the end of the year. … The other 86% think we’ll see it by the end of the week.”

Jay Leno: “Well, today it was made public that Hillary Clinton spent $212 million on her campaign for the nomination. … The last time anybody spent that kind of money to come in second was the New York Yankees.”

Jay Leno: “But you know something? I think Hillary may secretly be glad that this whole thing is over, because now she can go back to doing what she loves most -- hunting, drinking whiskey, shooting. You know, get back to her roots, as we saw.”

Jay Leno: “Well, the good news is Hillary is on Barack Obama’s list for potential vice presidents. … The bad news: she’s just a little bit below the Reverend Wright.”

Jay Leno: “But I thought Hillary was very gracious” in her concession speech. She gave Barack Obama “her full support. And today, she sent him a basket of fresh tomatoes.”

Jay Leno: “Well, Barack Obama took the weekend off from campaigning. He said on Saturday night he went on a date with his wife, Michelle. … The nice thing is they can stay out late on Saturday nights without having to worry about getting up to go to church anymore.”

Jay Leno: “And in his new blog -- you know, he’s got a blog. McCain has a blog now. He announced he is a huge Abba fan. Abba! Well, that will bring in the young voters, huh?”

Jay Leno: “And John McCain has a new slogan: ‘A leader we can believe in.” That’s a good slogan. Don’t confuse that with President Bush’s slogan: ‘We can't believe he’s our leader.’”

Jay Leno: “A lot of US airports are getting these full body scanners, you know, where they can actually see through your clothes. And a lot of people are uncomfortable with this. And they say anyone who is uncomfortable can choose to get patted down instead. Well, that’s a nice choice.”

Log In or Sign Up to comment

COMMENTS (2 Comments)

Proud American
To Anonymous and others who think like him.

The best thing about America is the freedom of speech. Thank God that people can speak their beliefs and not toe the line to someone else's idea of America. This country is just too great to be harmed by the jokes of thousands of comedians, including Jay Leno.
7:50 PM Jun 19th
Jay Leno, your articles in Popular Mechanic are good...but your jokes??? about America stink !!!
2:57 PM Jun 17th
The Home Page of Agriculture
© 2014 Farm Journal, Inc. All Rights Reserved|Web site design and development by|Site Map|Privacy Policy|Terms & Conditions