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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Letterman & More

Aug 05, 2009
David Letterman: “Oh, now here is the big fun over the weekend. Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, stepped down. … It was a moving day for Sarah Palin. She went out on her porch and waved goodbye to Russia.”

 

David Letterman: “But I thought her remarks were very thoughtful. In her farewell address, she warned people…of the military-industrial complex. Sarah Palin says look out for the military-industrial complex. And she also reminded folks that doughnuts make you hippy.”

David Letterman: “And I thought this was only to be expected. Sarah Palin took a swipe at certain people in the media. Gosh, I wonder who she had in mind.”

David Letterman: “Big beer fest at the White House. And today, Obama sent Vice President Biden on an emergency goodwill mission for pretzels, so that will be good.”

David Letterman: “But here it is. You have Crowley and you have Gates. And tempers flared. Case of mistaken identity. You have anger. You have accusations. You have name-calling. Sure, let’s add alcohol! Let’s go, let’s pick it up! Why not?”

David Letterman: “You know what they’re saying, that President Obama is trying to do too much too soon. You have heard that criticism? They criticized him for trying to do too much too soon and the fact that he wears baggie jeans. No wonder his poll numbers are going down.”

David Letterman: “But it’s too much too soon. Just kind of the opposite of President Bush, too little too late.”

Craig Ferguson: “The US Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. … When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Yesterday, Sarah Palin gave her last speech before resigning as governor of Alaska. It was a very fiery speech. She was mad. I mean, she blasted the media, Hollywood, two bears, and a moose.”

Jimmy Fallon: “The White House press secretary, Robert Gibbs, said that Twitter is now blocked on every White House computer. Gibbs said, ‘Sorry, I will not give a specific reason on why we are blocking Twitter. This concerns international White House – okay, it was Biden. He was playing around again.’”


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