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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

No One Immune From Leno

Nov 19, 2008
Jay Leno: “Here’s a little…Philadelphia history for you. It was on this day in 1789 that Benjamin Franklin said those famous words: ‘In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.’ Death and Taxes, which ironically” were also the Secret Service code names “for John McCain and Barack Obama.”

 

Jay Leno: “Well, there was a big meeting today between Vice President-elect Joe Biden and Vice President Dick Cheney, or as they’re calling it, ‘Plugged Hair meets Plugged Arteries.’”

Jay Leno: “But see that’s cruel. See, I prefer to call them ‘Foot In Mouth’ meets ‘Shot In Face.’”

Jay Leno: “Mitt Romney and Fred Thompson went on a luxury cruise this week to try and come up with a plan to revive the Republican Party and to get it more in touch with average Americans. I got an idea. How about no more luxury cruises?”

Jay Leno: “CNN reporting that President Bush’s approval rating is the all time lowest ever recorded for a president: 76% disapprove of the job he’s doing. The other 24% work for AIG.”

Jay Leno: “I guess after the election last week, Barack Obama took his wife on a date to their favorite Italian restaurant in Chicago. … And today Bill Clinton, John Edwards and Eliot Spitzer called him a new kind of Democrat.”

Jay Leno: “When they move into the White House, Barack Obama’s going to be getting a dog for his daughters,” but “he’s very strict. He said, ‘You are going to have to feed it, you are going to have to give it water, and you are going to have to clean up after him. Do you understand that?’ And Joe Biden said, ‘Yeah.’”


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