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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Presidential Politics

Sep 26, 2008
Jay Leno: “Financial experts are saying we are entering a new chapter in the American economy. I believe it’s Chapter 11.”

 

Jay Leno: “Man, things are not looking good. I opened the business section of the paper today. It said, ‘You Don’t Want To Know.’ That was the headline.”

Jay Leno: “Give you an idea how bad the American economy is -- Mexico is now calling for a fence along the border.”

Jay Leno: “President Bush had a press conference today outside the Oval Office to talk about the economy. He would have had it inside but, you know, the bank has foreclosed on it.”

Jay Leno: “No, President Bush announced…that he will be working with Congress to use hundreds of billions of taxpayer dollars to restore confidence in the market,” but that was his “second choice to fix the problem. First choice, invade Wall Street.”

Jay Leno: “Barack Obama continues to criticize John McCain’s economic plan. McCain would like to criticize Obama’s economic plan, but nobody knows what it is yet.”

Jay Leno: “President Bush has issued a new warning to Iran that it faces new economic sanctions after reports by the UN atomic watchdog committee that Iran is still enriching uranium. President Bush promising new economic sanctions. And believe me; if there’s one thing the President is an expert on, it is ruining a country’s economy.”

Jay Leno: “Sarah Palin’s husband has refused to testify in an abuse of power investigation in Alaska. He was given a subpoena,” but “he is ignoring it. So it looks like this guy’s going to have no trouble fitting into Washington.”

Conan O’Brien: “MoveOn.org has called on…John McCain to release all of his medical records. … In response, McCain told them, ‘Why don’t you just come down to the warehouse and look around for yourself? Bring a forklift. It will take time.’”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Yesterday, the federal government announced a massive plan to bail out a number of banking institutions. One expert said it may cost Americans…more than a trillion dollars.” To “put that into perspective,” ten “Bill Gates and 35 Oprahs still don’t add up to a trillion dollars


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