A Good Laugh
Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.
Jan 07, 2010
“Good to see everybody. You know, it is good to be back. We were off for Christmas and apparently so was the Department of Homeland Security.”
Jay Leno: “I guess you heard about that kid that tried to blow up the plane on Christmas Day with a bomb he had hidden in his underwear. Before he could get the bomb lit, some hero passengers grabbed him. They dragged him into first class. See, I had no idea that’s how you got upgraded on Delta. I thought it was a point system.”
Jay Leno: “After it was announced that Senate Foreign Relations Chairman John Kerry may go to Iran, the mullahs denied him an entry visa. … See, that’s how international travel works. If your name is Senator John Kerry and you’re a former candidate for President of the United States, your travel is limited. If your name is Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, you stow a bomb in your underpants, you pay cash for a one-way ticket after your father called the embassy and said, ‘My kid is an idiot,’ ooh, you can go anywhere you want.”
Jay Leno: “Rush Limbaugh is okay after being released from a Hawaiian hospital after a heart scare. … Fox News sent flowers, MSNBC sent cheese fries.”
Jay Leno: “Actually, no one knows…what caused Rush Limbaugh’s chest pains. But if you’re Rush Limbaugh, it could’ve been a number of things. I mean, the economy’s getting better, the healthcare bill is going to pass; the Republicans are having trouble raising money. It could be any one of those things.”