Jay Leno: "Well, this week the chief of staff for embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich spoke to Illinois state workers on issues of ethics in the workplace. How ironic was that? Was Bernard Madoff not available?"
Jay Leno: "I guess you heard" that "lawmakers in Illinois voted 114-1 to impeach the governor. ... So apparently, Blagojevich was only able to bribe one person."
Jay Leno: "Hey, did you all see Barack Obama's speech about the economy yesterday? Very sobering. He told Washington, 'We've arrived at this point due to an era of profound irresponsibility.' And of course, there's only one way out of it. Spend more money we don't have. Yeah, that's the ticket!"
Jay Leno: "Barack Obama's mother-in-law is moving into the White House." Well, "if that doesn't get him to solve the economic crisis, nothing will. 'We'll get you your own place, Ma. Don't worry!'"
Jay Leno: "Well, here's something good for the environment. President Bush recently declared three Pacific Ocean regions as national monuments. Again, you see, I don't think President Bush understands the impact of some of these things. When officials said this would create the largest marine reserve in the world, he said, 'Great, let's get some of them to Iraq and Afghanistan. Let's see if we can send them over there.'"
Jay Leno: "The economy is so bad, when he was in the White House the other day, Jimmy Carter thought he was still president."