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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Jokes from Conan, David & Jimmy

Jun 30, 2009

Conan O’Brien: “At a press conference yesterday, in case you don’t know, South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admitted to having a mistress from Argentina. … Then there was an awkward moment as he waited for someone to give him a high five.”

Conan O’Brien: “A British furniture company was caught trying to slip advertisements into Twitter by linking them to the Iranian election crisis. … Probably the most shameless had to be, ‘Tired of all the unrest? Try our Serta Perfect Sleeper.’”

David Letterman: “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to ‘The Late Show.’ My name is Dave, or as the governor of South Carolina would say, gracias!”

David Letterman: “Hey, you know what is going on over in Iran with the election? Have you been following that? Oh, it’s crazy. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has declared himself a winner. Had a victory party. And he came out at the victory party and he thanked…the 148% of the people who voted for him.”

David Letterman: “President Obama was so upset about the Iranian crackdown…that he told the Iranian diplomats that they would not be invited to the Fourth of July party. … And I said, well, by God, that will teach them right there.”

David Letterman: “And it’s a darn shame because Ahmadinejad makes wonderful potato salad.”

David Letterman: “Turned out the governor…disappears, for like, the weekend. … Finally, his staff said, ‘Don’t worry about the Governor, he is on the Appalachian Trail hiking.’” But it “turns out he was in South America. And it turned out he was down there because he was…with a woman from Argentina. … Seeing a woman from Argentina named Maria. … And I was thinking Judge Sotomayor was apparently wrong because Latina woman don’t necessarily have better judgment than white men.”

David Letterman: “What if there is trouble and you can’t find the governor. Well, how does that make you feel? Horrible, doesn’t it? And I’m thinking, South Carolina, what if they get the call that North Carolina is invading.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Sorry if you were looking for me before the show. I was just hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

Jimmy Fallon: “There’s another new development in that Mark Sanford story. His wife, Jenny, kicked him out of their home when she heard about the affair. In response, Hillary Clinton said, ‘Wait, you can do that?’”

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