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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Tickle Your Funny Bone

Aug 13, 2008
Jay Leno: “Well, the campaign’s starting to get nasty. … Have you seen the new commercial? The McCain campaign compares Barack Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. And today, the Obama campaign released an ad comparing John McCain to Zsa Zsa Gabor and Bea Arthur.”


Jay Leno: “Actually, McCain not backing down. He’s defending the commercial where he compared Barack Obama to Paris Hilton as being ‘all talk, and little action.’ That’s what he said. Like Paris, Barack Obama is ‘all talk and little action.’ Really? Has he seen her sex video?”

Jay Leno: “Well, Obama's people are trying to portray McCain as cranky, and McCain is trying to portray Obama as arrogant, you see. And when Obama was asked what he thought about being called arrogant, well he said he was ‘above having to answer that question.’”

Jay Leno: “And when McCain was asked about being labeled cranky, he told the reporter to ‘go to Hell!’”

Jay Leno: “And Barack Obama told Tom Brokaw the other day that what he’s looking for in a vice president is a person who would tell him when they thought he was wrong. Well, if that’s the case, wouldn’t Hillary be the best candidate?”

Jay Leno: “Yeah, Barack Obama also said someone who worked in the Clinton White House told him how important it was to have free time during the day to think. No offense, but I don’t think Bill Clinton was using his free time to think.”

Jay Leno: “There was one awkward moment on the news when they asked President Bush if he was going to visit the epicenter here in California. President Bush said, ‘Uh, no, silly. The Epicenter is in Disney World in Florida.’”

Jay Leno: “San Francisco could become the first city in the nation to ban the sale of tobacco products at pharmacies. Yeah. So a guy can’t buy cigarettes, but he can marry the Marlboro Man.”

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