David Letterman: Top Ten Top Good Things About Marrying Into The Bush Family:

“10. Great deals on Fallujah honeymoon.
9. You’ll inherit President Bush’s extensive collection of Chuck Norris memorabilia.
8. It’s a good bet the wedding reception will have an open bar.
7. Might see Cheney shoot an old guy – still a reference, ladies and gentlemen.
6. Learning from Grandma Barbara how to spit chaw.
5. Every Wednesday is Taco Night.
4. What could be more fascinating than learning what makes Jeb tick?
3. If half the family hates you, you still have a better approval rating than George.
2. W can lend you the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner to put up in the bedroom.
1. Little chance you’ll be the dumbest guy in the family.”

David Letterman: “Here is some great news. One of the President’s daughters, the lovely Jenna Bush, is getting married. How about that? Now if they can just marry off Condoleezza Rice.”

David Letterman: “Yeah, it looks pretty good. Jenna is getting married. But first, the guy has to be confirmed by Congress.”

David Letterman: “It’s going to be an expensive wedding, and I guess this is no surprise. The $3 billion contract is going to Halliburton.”

David Letterman: “You folks see the Democratic presidential debates over the weekend? Oh, man. This is a pain. Whoa! It was very intense! The loser of the debate was taken out back and drowned by Michael Vick, honest to God.”

David Letterman: “How about this? Presidential advisor Karl Rove has resigned. … Yeah. He says he wants to spend more time leaking information about his family.”

David Letterman: “Well over the weekend, former president Bill Clinton turned 61. … Bill enjoyed a romantic candlelight dinner and dancing. Then he went home to Hillary.”