Jimmy Fallon: "President Obama had to use another door to get into the White House after he got home from South America and the entrance to the Oval Office was locked. When he couldn't get in, Obama said, 'Holy cow, is it 2012 already?'"
Jay Leno: "Dennis Kucinich wants to impeach President Obama over Libya. There's a very good case against impeachment. It's called 'Joe Biden.'"
Jay Leno: "For Lent, some people give up meat, and some people give up drinking. President Obama gave up conferring with Congress."
David Letterman: "Donald Trump says he will run for President. How would Trump travel as President? Obviously, he'd use Hair Force One."