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October 2011 Archive for Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Jay and Dave on the Republican Candidates

Oct 20, 2011

Jay Leno: "Herman Cain is surging in the polls. Many polls have him ahead of Mitt Romney. He hasn't said who he would choose as his running mate yet, but according to a report, he's had several meetings with Papa John."

David Letterman: "Herman Cain said, starting today, if you buy into his 9-9-9 plan, he'll throw in a free 32-ounce soda."

Jay Leno: "Rick Perry's advisers said he prepared for the last debate by getting a lot more sleep. Apparently, he did it during the debate."

Conan O'Brien: "Yesterday, President Obama's teleprompter was stolen. Police are on the lookout for a thief who's eloquent and spreading a message of hope."

 

Jay and Dave on Our Economic Woes

Oct 13, 2011

David Letterman: "Bo, the White House dog, is three years old today. The difference between Bo and the economy is that Obama fixed the dog."

Jay Leno: "Two Americans won the Nobel Prize for economics. How crappy is the economy in the rest of the world if America is winning the Nobel Prize for economics?"

Jay Leno: "China is now expected to surpass Japan as the second richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen."

David Letterman: "The economy's so bad, I was in Central Park today and I saw pigeons feeding old people."

 

Jobs and Pumpkins Are Both Hard to Find

Oct 07, 2011

Craig Ferguson: "Happy anniversary to President Obama and the first lady. They had a nice private dinner to celebrate the 19th anniversary of the last time someone said 'yes' to an Obama proposal."

Jay Leno: "Obama says his new jobs bill will be more successful than his last jobs bill. Let's not set that bar too high."

David Letterman: "We have a pumpkin shortage in the United States. Thanks a lot, Obama."

Conan O'Brien: "Hallmark has launched a line of recession-themed cards that say, 'Sorry you lost your job.' The good news is, the cards come pre-addressed to your congressman."


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