Jay Leno: "President Obama went to France for the G8 summit, a meeting of the world's top economic powers. To give you an idea of how bad our economy is doing, when the President arrived, the other countries were like, 'What are you doing here?'"
Stephen Colbert: "Congress has rejected raising the debt ceiling, so if China calls, let it go to voice mail."
Craig Ferguson: "The USDA replaced the food pyramid with the 'food plate.' After years of the food pyramid, many Americans ended up shaped like pyramids."
Peter Sagal: "Sarah Palin’s family road trip has a title; it’s called the One Nation Tour, and she’s brought along her husband and her kids and all the typical summer road trip stuff, like sun tan lotion, stuff for s’mores, and Greta Van Susteren."