"Well, you've been watching the big score over the weekend, huh? Navy 3, pirates 0. Yeah!"
Jay Leno: "Anyway, they asked Captain Phillips what he's going to do now. And he said he's going to Disneyland to wipe out the Pirates of the Caribbean. So I think he's a little wound up."
David Letterman: "How about that story," with the pirates "off the coast of Somalia? Man, I mean, President Obama, this guy is getting it done, you know. He rounded up the Somali pirates" and the "Madoffs all in the same year. Looking pretty good."
Jimmy Fallon: "Well, the wait...is over. The Obamas have chosen a new White House dog." It is "a Portuguese water dog named Bo. Very cute dog. Their first choice" was "a wheaten terrier, but it was arrested for tax evasion."