Jay Leno: “Good to see everybody. You know, it is good to be back. We were off for Christmas and apparently so was the Department of Homeland Security.”
Jay Leno: “I guess you heard about that kid that tried to blow up the plane on Christmas Day with a bomb he had hidden in his underwear. Before he could get the bomb lit, some hero passengers grabbed him. They dragged him into first class. See, I had no idea that’s how you got upgraded on Delta. I thought it was a point system.”
Jay Leno: “After it was announced that Senate Foreign Relations Chairman John Kerry may go to Iran, the mullahs denied him an entry visa. … See, that’s how international travel works. If your name is Senator John Kerry and you’re a former candidate for President of the United States, your travel is limited. If your name is Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, you stow a bomb in your underpants, you pay cash for a one-way ticket after your father called the embassy and said, ‘My kid is an idiot,’ ooh, you can go anywhere you want.”
Jay Leno: “Rush Limbaugh is okay after being released from a Hawaiian hospital after a heart scare. … Fox News sent flowers, MSNBC sent cheese fries.”
Jay Leno: “Actually, no one knows…what caused Rush Limbaugh’s chest pains. But if you’re Rush Limbaugh, it could’ve been a number of things. I mean, the economy’s getting better, the healthcare bill is going to pass; the Republicans are having trouble raising money. It could be any one of those things.”
