"Hey, have you been following what's been going on in the South Carolina Democratic primary for the Senate? This is very bizarre. A man named Alvin Greene has won the Democratic primary. But he didn't go to any campaign events, spent no money, gave no speeches, was kicked out of the Army, he's unemployed, he lives with his mother, and he's facing felony charges for showing lewd photos to students. I know. Sounds like a senator to me."
"The FAA is now looking into the possibility of pilotless commercial flights. I guess they figure if they take away the leg room, the pillows, the blankets, the food, they might as well take away the pilots, too."
"The White House said today that BP is moving up its timeline for containing the oil by two weeks. They said they'd `get it done, even if they have to work six hours a day, four days a week.'"
"President Obama is now in the Gulf of Mexico. This is his fourth visit since the spill. So the President has been down there four times. And the head of BP is saying, 'Well, see, it hasn't affected tourism.'"