Jimmy Fallon: "Yesterday, President Obama's aide had to step in and pay more money after Obama only gave a fruit vendor a dollar for four apples. The aide said it was awkward having to pay Obama's bill. Then China was like, 'Eh, you get used to it.'"
Jimmy Fallon: "Traffic here in New York was backed up because of the U.N. General Assembly's annual meeting. You could hardly get anywhere or do anything. It was almost like being in the U.N."
Jay Leno: "Al Qaeda's No. 2 man has released yet another tape where he criticizes the entire Pakistan government, calls them incompetent and corrupt, and demands they be thrown out of office. So it sounds like we have a Tea Party over there, too."
Jay Leno: "The National Bureau of Economic Research announced the recession actually ended in 2009. What idiots we were! So that recession you think you're in, that's as imaginary as the job you used to have."