Jay Leno: "A woman in Arizona ran over her husband with her Jeep because she blamed him for Obama getting reelected. See, I don't think the woman is being fair. If Obama hadn't saved the auto industry, she wouldn't have been able to run over her husband with an American-made car."
David Letterman: "According to a study, there are three areas where humans now are getting dumber: High school kids. Retirees. And another group of dumb people? Four-star generals."
Jimmy Fallon: "It turns out that Democrats are actually considering Mitt Romney's tax plan as a way to avoid the fiscal cliff. Three weeks ago, Obama was like, 'Mitt Romney has terrible ideas!' And now he's like, 'Hey, you gonna finish those ideas?'"
Jimmy Fallon: "Another big storm could hit the Northeast by Wednesday, preventing millions from visiting relatives for Thanksgiving. But there's also a downside."