Jay Leno: "Gas prices are expected to continue to rise throughout the summer, and oil companies say it’s because of high demand due to warmer summer weather — as opposed to what they told us a couple of months ago, that oil prices went up because of higher demand for winter heating oil. So basically, if there’s weather, gas prices go up."
David Letterman: "Newt Gingrich's campaign is broke. All the money gone. So now he's charging $50 for a photo. And for $100 you can marry him."
Conan O'Brien: "Rick Santorum said you aren’t a real Republican until you’ve sworn at someone from the New York Times. Moments later, a panicked Mitt Romney called the New York Times reception desk and said ‘Heck!’"
Jimmy Fallon: "President Obama said that North Korea is in a ‘time warp’ that has missed 50 years of progress. North Korea denied the accusation — in a strongly worded telegraph."