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August 2012 Archive for Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Jay Looks at the Stormy Convention

Aug 29, 2012

Jay Leno: "It looks like Hurricane Isaac has delayed the Republican convention for one day. This is a big storm. In fact, Isaac has scared more senior citizens than Paul Ryan."

Jay Leno: "Some of the Republicans, I think, are overreacting to Hurricane Isaac. Like, today, Rick Santorum was seen gathering up two of every animal."

Jay Leno: "Herman Cain was in Tampa. When a reporter asked him if Isaac reminded him of Katrina, he said, 'I never even met the woman.'"

Jay Leno: "Last week, President Obama met with the White House press corps for only the second time this year. He said he would have met with them more, but he's been so busy campaigning, he didn't have time to write their questions."

Careless Comments and Bad Behavior

Aug 24, 2012

Jay Leno: "Happy birthday to gold medalist sprinter Usain Bolt. He turned 26 this week. You know the sad thing? His world record time has already been broken by Republicans running away from Missouri Congressman Todd Akin."

David Letterman: "Mitt Romney has asked Todd Akin to step down. That's too bad. Todd Akin was the guy to lead the Republican Party into the 16th century."

Jay Leno: "At a campaign stop in Virginia, Joe Biden said he is such a NASCAR fan, 'I'd trade being vice president in a heartbeat for winning Daytona.' To which President Obama said, 'Deal!'"

Jimmy Kimmel: "Photos popped up on the Internet of what appears to be Prince Harry having a naked party in Las Vegas. This has caused quite a commotion in London. I just think it's refreshing to see a famous redhead drunk and stripping that isn't Lindsay Lohan for a change."

Jay Previews the Republican Convention

Aug 17, 2012

Jay Leno: Ever since it was announced that Sarah Palin will not be speaking at the Republican Convention, the Romney campaign has been flooded with thousands of texts and emails demanding that she be allowed to speak...all from President Obama."

Jay Leno: "Donald Trump says he has a big surprise in store for everybody at the Republican National Convention this year -- a surprise he says people will love. So apparently he's not going."

Jay Leno: "According to a new poll, atheism is becoming more and more popular among Americans. God only knows why."

Jay Leno: "Police in Florida have arrested a man who said he finally achieved his goal of shoplifting in all 50 states. You know what you call someone who steals from all 50 states? A congressman."

Conan's Olympics Wrap-up

Aug 13, 2012

Conan O' Brien: "This year's Olympics replaced the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.'"

Conan O'Brien: "An Australian swimmer who failed to win a gold medal is blaming her loss on social media. In her defense, it is really hard to tweet when you're swimming."

Conan O'Brien: "A former U.S. Olympic swimmer in an interview said that nearly all elite competitive swimmers pee in the pool regularly. So apparently I am an elite competitive swimmer."

Conan O'Brien: "The U.S. team swept all the medals in the skeet shooting event. So despite our bad economy, it's nice to know our country has never been safer from an attack of skeets."

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