Jimmy Fallon: "Today, members of the 113th Congress were sworn in at the Capitol. After which, they were like, 'Well, that's enough work for the year.'"
Jay Leno: "This week Congress approved some version of the fiscal tax bill, which raises taxes on rich Americans. President Obama was determined to do this right away –- while there are still some rich Americans left."
David Letterman: "Al-Jazeera has purchased Al Gore's old TV network, Current TV. And listen to this: $500 million. This is a little something Al Gore has come up with called 'global fleecing.'"
Jay Leno: "The National Journal says Joe Biden may be the most influential vice president in history. Is that really a compliment? Isn’t that like being the tallest hobbit?"