Jul 24, 2014
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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Late-Night Chuckles

Nov 21, 2008
Jay Leno: "Well, it was just reported a few minutes ago, the new attorney general is going to be Eric Holder. Here's what we know about him. His name is Eric Holder."

 

Jay Leno: "It's now being reported that Hillary Clinton will accept the position of Secretary of State. That just came out in the news. Actually, this works out...great for the Clintons. While Hillary is concentrating on foreign affairs, Bill can go back to concentrating on domestic affairs."

Jay Leno: "The press is calling...Barack Obama the first wired president because he's very big on e-mails and the Internet and all that kind of stuff. But once he becomes president, he'll have to give up all personal communication devices because of security concerns. So, it looks like America's ready for a black president. We're just not ready for a Blackberry president."

David Letterman: "President Bush is opening up more air space for travel during Thanksgiving. ... You're saying, 'What exactly are you talking about?' I'm talking about air space. You know, like between his ears."

David Letterman: "Barack Obama, like many people, uses" a Blackberry, but the "Secret Service says this is a security hazard," so "they took it away. I'm thinking, well, this is not fair. George Bush, do they let him keep his Gameboy? What's the problem?"

David Letterman: "Barack Obama is putting his team together to take over the Administration. So far, he's got his mother-in-law," who is "going to be living with him," and they are "talking about Hillary for secretary of State. You have your mother-in-law and Hillary Clinton. Sounds like smooth sailing to me."

Craig Ferguson: "Everyone is waiting to see what" Barack Obama has "got planned. We already know his economic plan. It's designed to help small businesses that make under $250,000 a year. You know, like General Motors and Chrysler."

Jimmy Kimmel: "It looks like Hillary Clinton might" be Barack Obama's "Secretary of State." Hillary "went from almost being the President to a secretary. It sounds like somebody needs to watch 'Working Girl' again because that's not how it's supposed to work."


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