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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Late-Night Laughs

Aug 06, 2008
Jay Leno: “Barack Obama was on ‘Meet the Press’ Sunday.” John McCain, meanwhile, “was on a new show called "I Wish I Could Meet the Press.’”

 

Jay Leno: “No, polls show that Barack Obama” is “more popular than John McCain in Germany, France, and Great Britain. However, John McCain leads in Mesopotamia, Gaul and the Holy Roman Empire,” so “it’s pretty balanced.”

Jay Leno: “Hey, have you heard about this group” called “Prayer at the Pump? They’re a prayer group that springs up, and they go to gas stations and they hold hands and they pray for lower gas prices. Otherwise known as the Bush energy plan.”

David Letterman: Top Ten Signs Barack Obama Is Overconfident. “10. Proposed bill to change Oklahoma to ‘Oklabama.’ 9. Offered Bush 20 bucks for the ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner. 8. Asked guy at Staples, ‘Which chair will work best in an oval-shaped office?’ 7. The affair with Barbara Walters. 6. Having head measured for Mount Rushmore. 5. Guy sits around eating soup all day. 4. He’s voting for Nader. 3. Offered McCain a job in gift shop at Obama Presidential Library. 2. Announced his running mate will be Andy Dick. 1. Been cruising for chicks with John Edwards.”

David Letterman: “Now you think I’m exaggerating” about pollution in China, but they “had a practice today in Beijing for the Olympics” and a “javelin thrower…threw the javelin up into the air and it stuck.”

Conan O’Brien: “Barack Obama announced that next month he wants to spend a week on vacation in Hawaii. … Yeah, after hearing about it, President Bush said, ‘I can’t believe he’s taking another trip to a foreign country.’”

Conan O’Brien: “Hillary Clinton is trying to retire her campaign debt, so she’s giving everyone who donates money a chance to have dinner with her. … No word yet on what the winner gets.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “There’s a lot of what they call buzz going on in the blogosphere right now that Barack Obama will choose” Virginia Governor Tim Kaine “to be his running mate. Officially, Obama hasn’t said anything. All he’ll say is that he’s narrowed the pool of candidates down to be not Hillary.”


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COMMENTS (2 Comments)

Anonymous
Who posted that George Bush
4:02 PM Aug 6th
 
Anonymous
Jay Leno should not make fun of the pray at the pump group because they are having some outstanding successes.
12:17 PM Aug 6th
 

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