Late-nite comedy

Jay Leno: “And in an interview recorded by the BBC in Africa, Bill Clinton told people in Africa to practice monogamy and that we need to control unprotected sexual relations with unlimited numbers of partners. In fact, the minute he said that, the Secret Service wrestled him to the ground and said, ‘Who are you and what have you done with the real Bill Clinton?’”

Jay Leno: “And as you may have heard, Osama bin Laden’s driver found guilty of supporting terrorism. Osama bin Laden very upset today. He said, ‘From now on, when I hire a driver, I’m going to do a background check.’”

Conan O’Brien: “Barack Obama now is giving interviews where he’s opening up about his life. The candidates want to reveal their personal side. In a new interview that just came out, Barack Obama said as a kid, he cried when he saw the movie ‘Born free.’ Very nice. Yeah. Yeah, meanwhile, John McCain said, as a kid, he cried because movies weren’t invented yet.”