Jul 31, 2014
Home| Tools| Events| Blogs| Discussions| Sign UpLogin


Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Loads of Laughs

Feb 13, 2009
Jay Leno: “Good news and bad news from FEMA. The bad news is FEMA says some of the disaster relief food they have may contain salmonella-tainted peanut butter.” The “good news” is that “since it’s FEMA, it will be years before it gets to anybody.”

 

Jay Leno: “Oh, here’s a bad sign. In Hawaii, a billion dollar Navy warship has run aground. They can’t get it unstuck. Its name? The ‘USS Economy.’”

Jay Leno: “And the jobless rate has jumped to 7.6%, the worst since 1974,” and economists are now “worried this could lead to a resurgence of disco.”

Jay Leno: “I tell you,” the “economy is in bad shape.” In fact, the “economy is so bad,” President Barack Obama’s “new slogan” is “‘Spare Change You Can Believe In.’”

Jay Leno: “The economy is so bad,” New York Yankee slugger Alex Rodriguez “had to switch from steroids to Flintstone vitamins.”

Jay Leno: “And an elderly man in Boynton Beach, Florida, was arrested after he called 911 to report that the Burger King he was standing in had just run out of lemonade. … It is so sad to see what’s happened to John McCain since the election.”

David Letterman: “Anybody here” in New York for the Westminster Kennel Club dog show? Some unfortunate news. A “Jack Russell Terrier had to drop out because of tax problems.”

Conan O’Brien: “Things are winding down here on the ‘Late Night’ show. Only ten shows left, including tonight. … A lot has changed since I started the show. When we came on the air back in 1993,” the “Federal debt was $4 trillion.” Now, “$4 trillion is how much President Obama’s Cabinet owes in back taxes.”


Log In or Sign Up to comment

COMMENTS

No comments have been posted, be the first one to comment.

Receive the latest news, information and commentary customized for you. Sign up to receive Dairy Today's eUpdate today!

 
 
 
The Home Page of Agriculture
© 2014 Farm Journal, Inc. All Rights Reserved|Web site design and development by AmericanEagle.com|Site Map|Privacy Policy|Terms & Conditions