The Post-Convention Unemployment Blues

Jay Leno: "It seems only 96,000 jobs were added last month. And half of those were strippers working the conventions."

Jay Leno: "In his convention speech, President Obama invoked FDR. Then he saw the unemployment numbers and invoked WTF."

Conan O'Brien: "Scarlett Johansson, Kerry Washington, and Eva Longoria all spoke at the Democratic convention. This means that Obama has all about clinched the crucial 13-year-old boy vote."

Craig Ferguson: "There was a big shakeup on 'American Idol.' There is still a vacant judge's seat. The producers are in a great hurry to fill the empty seat before Clint Eastwood shows up and starts yelling at it."