Apr 16, 2014
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Late-Night Laughs

RSS By: A Good Laugh

Enjoy some good one-liners and bits from your favorite late-night comedians.

Leno Laughs about Illinois

Dec 15, 2008
Jay Leno: “Hey, you probably saw this on the news. A very embarrassing moment at the Illinois State Capitol today.” Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich “attended the opening of the nativity scene. And when the three wise men showed up with gifts for the baby Jesus,” Blagojevich “demanded half the loot.”

 

Jay Leno: “You know what sign” Blagojevich “was born under? ‘For sale.’ I believe that was the sign.”

Jay Leno: “Actually, it’s getting pretty serious. President-elect Barack Obama has called for” Blagojevich “to resign, but he refused. He refused a directive from the next President of the United States, to which Hillary Clinton said, ‘So?’”

Jay Leno: “And of course, the bad news for Governor Blagojevich is that there’s no chance President Bush will pardon him because Bush can’t even pronounce his name.”

Jay Leno: “People close to the” case talked about Blagojevich. They “said that he was willing to do anything for money. That’s why he was going to sell the Senate seat. See, that is so wrong. You know, in this country -- let me tell you something. If you want money, you do what everybody else does, okay? You go to Congress and you demand a bailout. That’s what we do.”

Jay Leno: “And I love this idea. Congress wants to promote a car czar to oversee the auto industry. You know, even if he’s half as successful as Bill Bennett was as the drug czar, oh, our problems will be solved.”

Jay Leno: “A car czar. What democracy has a czar?”

Jay Leno: “And according to ‘The Washington Post,’ during his eight years in office, President Bush spent 2,496 hours on the treadmill, elliptical machine, and mountain bike. And spent another 15 minutes working on the economy.”

Jay Leno: “A rare snowstorm hit New Orleans today. It snowed in New Orleans. You see that? Unbelievable. Not wasting any time, FEMA announced they will have plows in the New Orleans area within the next six to eight months.”

Jay Leno: “In a recent interview with ABC, President Bush said he is not a literalist when it comes to the Bible, or the Constitution either, for that matter.”


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