Thanksgiving Turkeys and a Christmas Tree

Jay Leno: "At the airport if you refuse to be patted down, they arrest you. And what’s the first thing they do when they arrest you? They pat you down."

Jay Leno: "President Obama has a tough decision to make this week. Which turkey does he pardon — the Thanksgiving one or Charlie Rangel?"

Jimmy Fallon: "President Obama said GM's comeback would be the success story of this recession. GM said it wanted to thank those who made its recovery possible: Toyota’s brakes, Toyota’s steering and Toyota's accelerator."

David Letterman: "The Capitol Hill Christmas tree is on its way, and once it gets to Washington it'll die in committee."