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December 2009 Archive for Rubes Cartoons - Tales from a Twisted Mind

RSS By: Leigh Rubin, AgWeb.com

A cartoonish look at life...

Losing Control

Dec 30, 2009

I just saw the Wizard of Oz again the other evening, well, not the whole thing but my favorite part. You know the part when Dorothy throws a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch of the West and she melts. That scene just cracks me up. That must have been some pretty nasty water in that bucket to dissolve the old green gal. You have to admit, the witch brought it on herself. If she hadn’t lit the scarecrow on fire then Dorothy would never have accidentally thrown the water on her in the first place. Let’s face it, the Wicked Witch lost control of the situation, but it could have been worse. She could have lost lots more control. How much you ask? Well, it Depends*...

*No, this is not a paid endorsement for Depends adult diapers and I am not a paid spokeperson for Depends

 

You’ll laugh so hard you’ll lose control with the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar available at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Going to the dogs

Dec 28, 2009

It happened again the other day. I was mailing my last minute (now late) Christmas cards and standing a couple of people in front of me in line was a man I thought I recognized. The problem was I wasn’t one hundred percent sure who he was so I held back and didn’t greet him even though we exchanged glances a couple of times. After he left I asked the counter clerk if the customer she had helped just before me was a certain doctor. It was, and I must say that I’m a bit embarrassed. It was my primary care physician (that’s fancy talk for “family doctor”) This doctor has seen me any number of times over the years and, putting it delicately, has probably seen more of me than any other person should, other than my wife. Maybe it was just seeing him out of the context of his office that put a doubt in my mind...at least that’s what I’d like to believe. The other theory is that middle age moments are occurring more than I like to admit, or in other words my memory is going to the dogs.



Your tail will really wag each day of the new year with the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar available at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Candy conundrum

Dec 25, 2009

Every year at this time I receive pounds and pounds of holiday goodies. My favorite among these delectable treats is Mrs.See’s candy. For those of you unfamiliar with Mrs. See’s I feel very sorry for you...Ummm, what I meant to say was, for those of you unfamiliar with Mrs. See’s, is that it is a very high quality candy company that produces outrageously scrumptious boxed chocolates. (Disclaimer: I am not receiving any compensation for mentioning Mrs. See’s but I would not be opposed to Warren Buffett -whose company Berkshire Hathaway owns Mrs. See’s - sending me a gift card good for a lifetime supply of the stuff). Unfortunately I am not the only member of my family that enjoys the chocolaty goodness. My three sons and even my wife, the person who has the most self control around chocolate I have ever seen, can’t resist. Suffice to say that even a closely watched two pound box disappears faster than a room full of cockroaches when the kitchen light’s flipped on.

 

Ah, but soon the holidays will be gone along with the treats and all that will be left are the tasty memories and a pair of jeans that can barely be buttoned. All of this talk of chocolate brings to mind a strange paradox. We’ve all heard the expression that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. What I want to know is how come an ounce of chocolate puts a pound onto my waistline?


A delectable, yet fat free new cartoon can be yours each day in the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar which just happens to be available at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Reindeer Games

Dec 23, 2009

I could never understand why Rudolph would care if he was allowed to play with the other reindeer. If you ask me they were nothing but a bunch (actually a herd) of insecure, immature name-calling jerks who felt inferior because Rudolph had the only normal name of any of them.  I mean, come on, Dancer? Prancer?  Comet? Vixen?  Dasher? Blitzen? Cupid? Besides that, what kind of games do reindeer play anyway? Seems to me that any game played with a ball, or even any board game would require an opposable thumb, and therefore the activities would be severely limited. So instead of whining about it Rudolph would have been wise to keep in mind the classic quote from Grouch Marx: “I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.Let’s face it; Rudolph didn’t need all of the others anyway because as we all know, he was so much brighter than the rest
of the them.




Bounce on over and see the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar which just happens to be available at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Tis the (cold and flu) season

Dec 21, 2009

We all know tis the season...the cold and flu season that is. (I just got over a nasty little cold myself). Nobody likes to be sick during the holidays, so remember, in-between all of the many handshakes at family gatherings and company Christmas parties  wash those paws of yours and try to avoid big sloppy smooches from the sniffling but well meaning aunts. Be good for goodness sake by covering your mouth and nose when you sneeze or cough. Spread the holiday joy but keep the germs to yourself.

 

 

Everyone will be positively green with envy when you show off your new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar which just happens to be available at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Tis better to give (away) than receive

Dec 19, 2009

It’s that time of year again when all of us will undoubtedly receive a gift which will be certain to disappoint. Yep, we will be given something that we would never have picked out for ourselves in a million years...But does that mean we should show our disappointment? Goodness no! Why, that would be rude and insensitive! We need to remember our manners and be thankful, or at least pretend to be thankful for whatever we receive because no matter how unsuitable a gift may be someone spent their hard earned cash on it and that alone should give it some value. That and whatever some person with no taste at all is willing to bid for it on EBay.



Give the gift that everybody will love...(and see my kid in star in the silly commercial!) ...the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

There's no business like snow business

Dec 16, 2009

My friend up in Oregon bought a super-duper deluxe snow blower several months ago in order to beat the winter rush. He joked that buying it was an “insurance policy” in that if he actually bought a snow blower it would be just his luck that it wouldn’t actually snow. Got a call from him today. He reported a foot of snow overnight. So much for the insurance policy, although at this point he’d be “covered” either way.

 Let all your gift giving worries melt away. Just pick up the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com for all of your family and friends!! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!) See the silly "commercial" at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sh8xZbxVWVE

The perfect match

Dec 14, 2009

You know those online matchmaking services that advertise on TV a lot? Well, it seems to me they are making a whole lot of money from people who are not out meeting and dating other people because they are stuck sitting in front of their computers joining online dating services because they can’t meet anybody because they are stuck sitting in front of their computers joining online dating services instead of going out and meeting and dating other people because...

It’s a match made in heaven! You and the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

It is written...

Dec 11, 2009

I have heard the saying that “a verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.” I have also heard that” if something isn’t written it isn’t true.” Of course just because something is written doesn’t automatically guarantee its veracity. I really am an optimist at heart. I’m a “glass half full” kind of guy. But sometimes I have a hard time believing the headlines, especially when it’s written that a recovery from the recession is underway. Hey, I really want to believe it. Hmmm, maybe if I finish what’s in the other half of my glass I will...

Your cup will runneth over with laughter with the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

It's cold no matter how you slice it

Dec 09, 2009

One of the cool things about having good friends is the sport of giving each other a hard time. My buddy in Oregon and I do that quite often. I take great pleasure in him texting him up to the minute camera-phone photos of the blue skies in my area and  then leaving him  voicemails telling him it’s t-shirt weather and it must be really, really cold in his neck of the of the woods. (And it really is in the woods). Today I awoke to a voicemail from my friend telling me it was five degrees at his home this morning...BRRR! I was feeling pretty smug and was all ready to send him another “picture perfect day by the coast” photo but when I went out the get the paper there was frost on all the grass and for me, not dressed wintery...BRRR! I know many folks live in much less temperate climates than I do and you think I’m probably just a big whiner and to tell you the truth...you’d be right. I moved from the high desert ten years ago and I don’t miss the winter wind chill at all...And it really was almost always windy... BRRRRR! They say that desert living makes hardier people. They may be hardier but I’ll bet they’re colder too. Anyway, it’s supposed to be in the twenties tonight...BRRRR! But even so, it’s supposed to be in the single digits at my buddy’s house, and even then he says it may get colder. That can only mean one thing...the wurst is yet to come.

Ready for another cheesy calendar plug? Here’s goes...See the new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

The big cheese

Dec 07, 2009

As some of you may already know I have a high affinity for cheese. One of my favorites is cheddar. In my opinion there are only two kinds of cheddar; sharp and sharper. I say the sharper the better. So my interest was piqued by a small article in today’s paper about a gigantic batch of aging cheddar cheese (5,200 pounds)  of which1,200 pounds had been allowed to ripen to the ripe old age of 15. Almost instantly I started salivating, dreaming of gnawing on a hunk of pure heaven. My tongue danced in ecstasy at the mere thought of dining on such a delectable delicacy. Ah, what a joy each tiny morsel would be. Not a crumb would be wasted. But alas, I would never have the pleasure of nibbling such glorious goodness. The remaining cheddar would be sold at fifty dollars a pound, and I’m afraid that while my wife is fond of cheese too I know that if I paid that much she’d think the cheese was sharper than me.

  

 

 You too can be a big cheese! Just order your very own Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

Brown Nosing

Dec 04, 2009

 Is it just me or has anyone else noticed how the closer it gets to Christmas the more well behaved our kids are? Oh, I don’t mean to be so cynical but when I find the newspaper opened neatly on the table awaiting me at breakfast time and the coffee made and the dogs fed and the kitchen floor swept and the cars washed and the toilet paper changed in the bathroom (where else?) and not having to ask for help bringing in the groceries I can’t help but be a bit suspicious as to the kid’s motives. Oh well, it’s really not so bad. In fact I really enjoy having such thoughtful, caring, kind and considerate kids...Two can play at this game.

 

 

Your are truly kind, generous and thoughtful for allowing me to shamefully plug my new Rubes 2010 daily desk calendar at: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

An exercise in frustration (Part 2)

Dec 02, 2009

In my last blog post of 11-30-09 (An exercise in frustration ) I had reported that the treadmill my wife and I had put off buying for years had at last arrived and that just when I had begun to assemble it a hole was missing preventing me from continuing with my manly-man duties of being the household handy-man. First thing Monday morning I was on the phone to the manufacturer’s consumer hot line. I’m glad it wasn’t an emergency as I had to follow countless button presses only to be put on a very long hold with the Muzak interrupted by frequent announcements telling me to ask for “This week’s special!.” After about 25 minutes of this torture I hung up and called back only to be told by a recorded male drone that due to heavy call volume I should call back later. I did...about ten minutes later. This time I left my number on a call back system which is the greatest thing ever! All you do is hit the correct prompt (which I neglected to do the first time) and they’ll automatically call you back, which they did, but I was on another call and couldn’t pick it up. So I had to go through the whole procedure again by leaving my number and waiting for the call back. To be fair, the person that called back was indeed very helpful and is having a replacement part shipped out to me by the end of the week. I sure hope all the holes are in the proper place this time. My poor index finger has had enough of a workout for one week.

 

 

 

The new Rubes 2010 Daily desk calendar is here! To see it run right over to: www.rubescartoons.com ! (It’s also available at all of your favorite online and neighborhood bookstores!)

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