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May 2009 Archive for Rubes Cartoons - Tales from a Twisted Mind

RSS By: Leigh Rubin, AgWeb.com

A cartoonish look at life...

"New, improved, etc., etc, etc..."

May 29, 2009

 

New Improved Packaging! ” the label reads. What exactly does that mean, the old packaging kept the contents marginally fresh?  Or how about, “Better tasting!” What have they been selling us all these years, something that was barely tolerable to the taste buds? It’s interesting the lengths some companies will go in an attempt to breathe life into an old product. I guess my favorite example of silly advertising was something my brother saw many years back on one of his many cross country adventures.  It was an ad for a container similar to a Thermos® (though I’m not sure if it was a genuine Thermos®).   At any rate, the ad stated” 32 oz. beverage container- includes cup...with real handle!”  Imagine that, a “real handle.” What were they using before, an imaginary handle?  If so, I sure hope they didn’t also claim that their product would keep your coffee “Hotter than ever!"


See what’s new, improved and better than ever at: www.rubescartoons.com


 

Rolling along...

May 28, 2009

We humans are pretty darn innovative. We invent things and then find other uses for them. A good of example of this would be the wadded up piece of paper I use to support the slightly short leg on my “tilty”patio table. What really impresses me are the many ways we are able to use slight variations of the same invention. Take the basic wheel. I’m sure the prehistoric person (notice how I’m not being gender specific?) who invented it would never have imagined how many ways future generations would adapt that simplest of devices to suit their specific needs. Yessiree, one can only imagine how many more uses we’ll find for the wheel. Maybe we’ve only scratched the surface. One’s thing’s for sure, when it comes to innovation we just keep rolling on.


Go ahead, take a minute and roll on over to: www.rubescartoons.com

A simple misunderstanding

May 27, 2009

Okay, guys how many times have you gotten into a heated discussion with your significant other over a simple misunderstanding? I know I’m not the only one who hears what his wife says and dutifully carries out her request only to find out that somehow, somewhere along the way I must have not been listening closely enough. Maybe what we need is a “spousal translator”: a simple device, similar to headphones like the kind they wear at the U.N. It would prevent unnecessary misunderstandings that inadvertently lead to marital conflicts. Gosh, if every married couple had them just think how peaceful and harmonious everyone’s marriage would be. Why, we’d all get along just as well as all the members of the U.N! Hmm, on second thought maybe a spousal translator isn’t such a good idea. After all, I‘m perfectly capable of misunderstanding my wife without any help at all...and that's something we both seem to agree on.


Listen up! Lots of laughs at: www.rubescartoons.com

Here's the skinny

May 26, 2009

Just a few weeks ago the FDA issued a warning about the health risks of yet another “miracle” weight-loss product. This sort of thing seems to happen every few years or so. I’ve always been skeptical when I see advertisements for these “wonder” products because as tempting as it may be to take the easy way out there is just no substitute for those two good old standbys: diet and exercise. So until such time as they can figure out how to package diet and exercise into a pill form I’m afraid that whatever else they’re trying to sell me  it just won’t make the, ahem, cut.    

Go ahead, exercise your right to smile at: www.rubescartoons.com

When push comes to shove, it must be love?

May 25, 2009

I’ve always thought that some of the Mother Goose rhymes were a little on the disturbing side. I mean, come on, what’s the real story “behind” Humpty Dumpty’s supposed “accident.” I for one don’t think we’ve been given the whole picture. There may be a much darker side to what we’ve been led to believe. After all, wasn’t the victim, Mr. Dumpty, an egg? Right away I’d suspect fowl play. I think with a little savvy police work it wouldn’t take very long for an experienced, hardboiled detective to crack the case.

Mondays are always Pun-days at: www.rubescartoons.com!

It's enough to give me a headache

May 22, 2009

They say we only use ten percent of our brains. How “they” actually measured this is beyond me. “They” must be really smart and “they” must be using more than ten percent of their brains to have come up with that fact, right? But how do we really know that “they” aren’t just making it up? Who are “they” anyway?  I wish I knew so that I could ask “them” for an explanation but the answer might be so complicated that I, a lowly “ten percenter”, would probably not be smart enough to even comprehend how “they” came up with the calculation.  In fact, just thinking about it makes my brain hurt.


 Hey, it’s a real no-brainer! Just visit: www.rubescartoons.com

Watch your step

May 21, 2009

So I’m out walking my pooch early yesterday morning just taking in the beautiful spring weather and not really paying my attention to where I’m stepping and wouldn’t you know it. ..Surprise! I had quite unintentionally discovered evidence of a stray dog in the neighborhood. It’s ironic, but by sheer coincidence at that very moment I said the exact word which described my discovery.


Simon says take one giant step forward and go to: www.rubescartoons.com

Knock Knock...

May 20, 2009

It’s not that I’m unsocial or unfriendly but unless you’re the mail carrier, UPS, FedEx or a neighbor (my kid’s friends included) I won’t answer the front door. I don’t care how long someone stands there, if you’re not included in the above mentioned group I’m not answering. From my experience the traditional “No Solicitors” signs do very little to deter a determined door to door salesman. But now, I think I may have come up with just the right solution... 

 

The welcome mat’s always out for you at: www.rubescartoons.com

Making the best of it

May 19, 2009

 I admire people who are able to maintain a positive outlook despite certain circumstances that others may find unpleasant.Take, for example, a very well known cruise of many, many years ago. It was a long, stuffy, crowded voyage and I’m guessing that the sanitary conditions were probably somewhat lacking but even then I imagine that at least two of the passengers had a terrific time!


Look on the bright side at: www.rubescartoons.com

A real crock,er,crack up!

May 18, 2009

By now it’s a well known and long-standing tradition (at least three or four weeks now!) that Mondays are known (at least in this blog) as Pun-days. So let’s get right down to it without any further adieu...

There's always something fun cookin’ at... www.rubescartoons.com

Caution: Slippery when wet...

May 15, 2009

Our little puppy is now up to 30 pounds. She’s a real bundle of energy and seems to be pretty smart except when it comes to being completely housebroken. She can go for days with no accidents and then seemingly out of nowhere mysterious little puddles appear. Two of those puddles appeared today and one of them wasn’t so little. Not good. Our older dog was housetrained in a week.  We didn’t realize how easy we had it. I know that according to the old saying you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but what about an old dog teaching a young dog new tricks? Hmmmmmm.....


 Better than a scratch behind the ears... www.rubescartoons.com

On being self-employed

May 14, 2009

Many times I have been told how lucky I am to work for myself and not for the “other guy.”  ApparentIy some people assume I sleep in late, have a casual breakfast and then laze around the pool all day. Sounds good to me. Where do I sign up? In reality, as many of you know, being self-employed means you get to put in longer hours than if you worked a “regular” job. I’m not saying I’d have it any other way. I have worked “real” jobs and sometimes more than one “real” job at a time. Would I trade what I do for a living now for the security (what exactly does that mean anyway?) of a “real” job?  That question is better answered with the following question: Who in their right mind would hire me?! Besides, I like my boss. If I finish my work early he says I can spend the rest of the day lazing around the pool...If only I had one.

 


Go ahead, take the rest of the day off and visit: www.rubescartoons.com  (I won't tell!)

A bit of a stretch...

May 13, 2009

Recently a woman in California was all over the news because she gave birth to eight babies. She has been dubbed “Octomom.”  Well, I say what would you call a person who gave birth to twelve babies? (Besides really sore, that is!) I had to do a bit of research online, but I believe the correct name would be “Dodecamom,” or, as pictured in the example below, Dodecahen. (Okay, I know it’s a stretch...but who wouldn’t be stretched after a delivery like that?)

 

Get your laughs by the dozen at: www.rubescartoons.com

It's a bird! It's a plane!... It’s definitely a bird.

May 12, 2009

Can anybody out there explain to me why whenever I finally get up the gumption to wash my car (which happens once every two or three years) either it rains, or worse, the car is almost immediately attacked by dive bombers of the feathered variety? Is it just lousy timing on my part or could it be part of a vast right and left wing conspiracy?

 Shhh, it’s a secret! So whatever you do don’t ever tell anyone to go to: www.rubescartoons.com

Hare-brained

May 11, 2009

Question: What could possibly be better than starting off the week with a silly pun?

Answer: Nothing!

Happy Pun-Day!


See goofy stuff and more at: www.rubescartoons.com

A load of Croc

May 09, 2009

Seems like every other day or so we read about one internet scam or another. Just in the last couple of weeks I have received several offers guaranteeing me unimaginable wealth if I just send all my personal information to the son or daughter of a now deposed ruler of some third world country. I am always amazed that anybody in their right mind would even give one of these crooks a second thought. Sometimes just for fun I respond back in broken English telling the scam artist how grateful I am that we have been miraculously brought together. I can usually keep the correspondence going back and forth for three or four times until either they give up or I tire of the game and tell them what I really think about ‘em. It can get pretty ugly, but I admit I do enjoy keeping them going in a perverse sort of way.  The most fun I think I ever had was when I received two same emails on the same day. I had some real fun introducing the scammers to each other via email. I would have loved to see if either one of them was able to swindle the other. Wouldn’t that have been some sweet poetic justice!



Have I got a deal for you! Just visit: www.rubescartoons.com

Acting like kids.

May 08, 2009

Kids are funny. They can get in arguments with their friends one minute and the next minute all is forgotten. Can you imagine what would happen if adults behaved that way? No long held grudges, and on a global scale, all fighting would cease. Maybe we should put children in charge for a while and see what happens. Seems to me that many world leaders already behave like kids anyway.

 I’m going to hold my breath until you visit: www.rubescartoons.com

Things I gotta do...

May 07, 2009

I’m the kinda guy who writes lists. If there’s something that needs to be done it’d had better be on the list. When my wife tells me that there are honey-dos that need getting done I tell her to put ‘em on the list. I need things spelled out. Subtle hints just won’t do it.

 Things you just gotta do...visit: www.rubescartoons.com

Where my mind leads, I follow

May 06, 2009

Sometimes an ordinary turn of phrase is just enough to spark the ol’ imagination. Sometimes it’s just so obvious I wonder why I hadn’t thought of it before. It’s fun to let the mind wander. I think that daydreaming should a required part of everyone’s job. (Though in reality I suspect in many cases it already is...)

 Hey there! Quit daydreaming and check this out: www.rubescartoons.com

Hee Haw!

May 05, 2009

“If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right.”  If you don’t, you may just end up looking like a big, well, you know...

Do the right thing and check this out: www.rubescartoons.com

Pure Corn(iness)

May 04, 2009

In honor of Pun-day I humbly submit to you the most positively, absolutely without a doubt, corniest attempt at humor ever.

Here’s something to crow about...It’s the new Rubes website: www.rubescartoons.com

 

Slipping up...or is it down?

May 03, 2009

I have often heard the term “criminal mastermind” but it seems to me most criminals aren’t so bright. If they’re supposed to be so smart how come so many of them get caught?

See the nifty new Rubes website: www.rubescartoons.com

Taking the high road

May 01, 2009

Sometimes it’s so tempting to take the easy way out. But being easy doesn’t make something right. It’s a lesson I have tried to teach my kids since day one. Of course if they come to me with some situation in which they can’t decide on the proper course of action I like to share with them the same fatherly advice my dad told me... “Just give it your best shot.”

 Wanna chuckle? It’s so easy! Just visit: the new Rubes website: www.rubescartoons.com

 

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