Conan O' Brien: "In Michigan, a man wearing an Obama mask robbed a bank. Either that or Obama has an exciting new plan to reduce the deficit."

Jimmy Kimmel: "Obama says the jobs bill will be paid for. I don't like this focus on paying for things. That's what future generations are for."

Jay Leno: "Italy is asking China to help bail them out of their debt crisis. Doesn't that make you mad? Hey, Italy, China is our sugar daddy."

Conan O'Brien: "The U.S. Census Bureau reports that American homes are 650 square feet larger today than they were in 1980. Unfortunately, so are most Americans."

Jay Leno: "President Obama introduced his $447 billion jobs plan. A lot of economists say it could work — if we had $447 billion."

Jimmy Fallon: "Republicans actually decided not to give a rebuttal to President Obama's jobs speech. I guess they figured there's already a rebuttal to his jobs speech: No jobs."

Jimmy Kimmel: "The World Economic Forum, which ranks economies, moved the United States down to 5th place. But we're still the fattest, so that's good."

David Letterman: "Tomorrow is Bring Your Son or Daughter to the Unemployment Office Day."

Jay Leno: "For most Americans, Labor Day means a three-day weekend, but for 9.1 percent of Americans, it's been a 12-month weekend."

Jay Leno: "New statistics show the U.S. economy added 0 jobs in August. The White House cautioned Americans not to read too much into those numbers. What numbers?"

Jimmy Fallon: "I read that a man from Illinois discovered $150,000 in his garden. Did you hear that, President Obama? A man from Illinois actually grew the economy."

David Letterman: "Mitt Romney announced he’s building a $12 million beach house in California. There’s a man who can read the mood of the country."