Jay Leno: "For most Americans, Labor Day means a three-day weekend, but for 9.1 percent of Americans, it's been a 12-month weekend."
Jay Leno: "New statistics show the U.S. economy added 0 jobs in August. The White House cautioned Americans not to read too much into those numbers. What numbers?"
Jimmy Fallon: "I read that a man from Illinois discovered $150,000 in his garden. Did you hear that, President Obama? A man from Illinois actually grew the economy."
David Letterman: "Mitt Romney announced he’s building a $12 million beach house in California. There’s a man who can read the mood of the country."