A Good Laugh
Jun 24, 2008
Jay Leno: “Thanks for coming out on such a hot
day. … It was so hot, Barack Obama met with Al Gore just for the
shade.”
Jay Leno: “Yesterday, a bunch of these Bear Stearns
hedge funds guys were arrested for shady business practices. Talk about
turning lemons into lemonade, today Bear Stearns…announced they’re
opening a new division specializing in bail bonds.”
Jay Leno: “The government says they’re
focusing on some e-mails that show these guys may have given bad investment
advice. For example, a lot of the e-mails began, ‘I’m a diplomat
currently living in exile in Nigeria.’”
Jay Leno: “President Bush and Senator John McCain
were both touring the flood-damaged areas of Iowa this week, but they
did not cross each other’s path. McCain said he didn’t want
to join up with Bush because that might send the wrong message. You know,
nothing turns voters off more than people getting together for a noble
cause.”
Jay Leno: “Well, listen to this. According to
a Pentagon report this week, more than 1,000 nuclear missile components
in the US arsenal are lost and cannot be located. Huh? We can’t
even find our own weapons of mass destruction.”
Jay Leno: “In their defense,” the “Air
Force said today there is a big difference between something being missing
and just not being able to find it, which would be okay if you’re
talking about a pair of lost sunglasses!
Jay Leno: “Today, Ralph Nader attacked Barack
Obama for refusing to accept public financing for his campaign and said
that Obama was too closely tied to big business. … Yeah, then the
guy sitting next to Nader on the park bench said, ‘Shut up!’”
David Letterman: “President Bush has ordered…his
troops now to find Osama bin Laden. Yep. Boy, he really jumped on that
one, didn’t he?”
Conan O’Brien: “Last night, President Bush
held a celebration at the White House honoring jazz. … Yeah. It
was an awkward moment when Bush said, ‘This is great. It’s
just like being in an elevator.’”
