Late-nite comedy
Jun 22, 2009
Conan O’Brien: “A lot of people worried
about the situation in Iran now. And I mean everybody’s worried.
This is a true story. … Ashton Kutcher is urging the US government
not to intervene in the crisis in Iran because he fears that Iran will
end up just like Iraq. … President Obama thanked Kutcher for his
advice, said he’d get back to him after running it by the Jonas
Brothers.”
Conan O’Brien: “The animal rights group
PETA is criticizing President Obama after seeing footage of Obama killing
a fly. … Meanwhile, today, a fly buzzing around Joe Biden took its
own life.”
David Letterman: “And by the way, if…you
haven’t bought dad a gift for Father’s Day, you can’t
go wrong with the new book by Rush Limbaugh. You know the one I’m
talking about? ‘Too Fat to Fish.’”
David Letterman: “Here’s fascinating news.
Dick Cheney, do you remember Dick Cheney? Dick ‘Boom Boom’
Cheney. His approval rating is up to 26%, up to 26%. Yeah, crazy, isn’t
it? … He’s been upgraded from hated to unpopular.”
Craig Ferguson: “Not such a great day for Hillary
Clinton. She fell down, broke her elbow. … You know, Fox News is
going to be all over this story. This proves the Democrats are weak. Reagan
fell over 10 times, didn’t even break his hair.”
Craig Ferguson: “Now the official report said
that Hillary fell while she was walking to her car in the parking lot
of the State Department. But Hillary likes to exaggerate, so she’s
telling everybody it was sniper fire.”
Jimmy Fallon: “Big election news from Iran. A
British newspaper reported that Mir Hossein Mousavi actually won the election
and Ahmadinejad came in third. And coming in second, Al Gore. …
The guy can’t win anything.”
Jimmy Kimmel: “President Obama” is “getting
a lot of criticism from PETA, you know, the Psychotics for the Ethical
Treatment of Animals. They’re taking issue with the fact that he
killed a fly. For real. … PETA said he should have captured the
fly and taken it outside, which would have been a great message to send
to North Korea.”
Jimmy Kimmel: “Our secretary of state, Hillary
Clinton, is in a cast. She fell and fractured her elbow. Fortunately,
her scowl broke the fall, so she is okay.”
