Everyone has a Bad Day now and then. Or Bad Decade, for that matter. The secret to surviving such annoyances is to recognize it early and withdraw from all human activity until it’s over. That’s my theory based on several hundred Bad Days, during this year alone.
Here are some typical subtle indications that you are having a Bad Day. (This list is exhausting but not exhaustive).
- You poke yourself in the eye with the earpiece when putting on your safety glasses.
- You enter the shower to discover it is the day before “New Bar of Soap Day.”
- A longed-for and much-needed Turnaround Tuesday in the markets comes to pass but it’s a “360.”
- At the beginning of a procedure your physician uses one or more of the following terms: pressure, sting, discomfort.
- Your grandson starts telling you dad jokes. The irony is exquisite and surprisingly painful.
- You laboriously send a graceful and heartfelt thank you note only to realize the next day you mismatched the gift and the donor.
- After thoroughly searching your closet to find the source of a pungent aroma you realize it’s you.
- The only Oreos left at the store are Red Velvet.
- #GreatPatriotFarmers is trending on Twitter.
- You get a registered letter. Good news rarely needs a signature.
- The water softener makes a sound that can only be described as a moose gagging.
- You reach for your reading glasses to make out some fine print only to discover you’re already wearing them.
- Due to an odd arrangement of closet door and sink mirrors, you catch a glimpse of yourself from the rear after leaving the shower.
- The waitress calls you “hon.” She was two years behind you in high school.
- You reach under the driver seat to recover a fallen French fry and can’t tell which one it is from the handful you recover.
- You promise to pick some orange juice but forget whether it’s low calcium, extreme pulp or the other way around.
- Your dog decides it’s not enough to sit in the front seat, he wants to drive.
- You find yourself admiring Velcro closure shoes.
- Your new refrigerator texts you. It uses emojis. You’re not sure whether to buy milk or call a florist.
- Your dentist takes new x-rays and calls out, “Hey, everyone, come and look at this,” to the staff.
- The word “tuckpointing” comes up at a church trustees meeting.
- Your doorbell announces loudly it needs new batteries. At 2:37 a.m.
Remember, it’s never too late to go back to bed.
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