Late-Night Humor

Published on: 06:29AM Jul 29, 2008
Jay Leno: “As you all know, Barack Obama is over in the Middle East. Hey, did you see him playing basketball with our troops in Iraq? Did you see that one shot he made from 40 feet? … Let me tell you something. If shooting baskets is now a requirement to be president, a white guy may never have that job again.”


Jay Leno: “Barack Obama, very popular in the Middle East. I guess a lot of people over there saw the cover of ‘The New Yorker.’”

Jay Leno: “Well, this is Barack’s third day in the Middle East, and President Bush says he has no timetable for bringing him back home.”

Jay Leno: “John McCain called a press conference today. Unfortunately, all the press were out of the country covering Obama.”

Jay Leno: “You know, you’ve got to feel kind of sorry for McCain. I mean, all day on TV, they show nothing but footage of Barack Obama touring the Middle East, being with the troops in Afghanistan, meeting with troops in Iraq. The only time I saw McCain on TV was when Willard Scott wished him a happy birthday on the ‘Today’ show.”

Jay Leno: “A lot of people think to take some of the spotlight off of Barack Obama, that John McCain will announce his vice presidential choice this week. And most people think it’s going to be Mitt Romney. … See, I don’t know” about that, because “when Romney and McCain stand together, doesn’t it look like one of those slick Countrywide lenders trying to trick your grandfather into a reverse mortgage?”

Jay Leno: “And yesterday, President Bush gave the US Olympic Team a rousing sendoff to the Olympics. Again, I don’t think President Bush is that up on geography. Like, he told the athletes to get there a couple of days early to acclimate themselves to the fact that China is upside down.”

David Letterman: “Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi is calling the Bush presidency ‘a total failure.’ … I think he’s done okay, if you don’t count Iraq, the economy, the environment, Afghanistan, the mortgage crisis,” the “deficit, gas prices, Hurricane Katrina, illegal wire tapping, the national debt, tainted food, failure to catch bin Laden, CIA Leak. Other than that, I think it’s been pretty good.”

David Letterman: “John McCain…said” recently that Iraq and Afghanistan share a common border, and “I thought, well no wonder we can’t find Osama bin Laden. We’ve been searching an imaginary border.’”