Late-nite comedy

Published on: 04:33AM Aug 22, 2008

Jay Leno: “And Barack Obama now says he’s open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind.”

Jay Leno: “Well, John McCain’s daughter is now writing a children’s book based on her father’s life. See, the research has been difficult because, as you know, much of McCain’s early life story is only available through folklore.”

Jay Leno: “And there’s a new movie opening this week called ‘What We Do Is A Secret,’ which I think was John Edwards’ campaign slogan once.”

Jay Leno: “Analysts say a weak economy is causing less energy use, resulting in falling oil prices. So basically, the worse the economy is, the lower the oil prices, to which Bush said, ‘That’s been my energy plan all along!’ This guy is a genius!”

Conan O’Brien: “Today, the moderators were announced for the upcoming presidential debates. … Apparently, Barack Obama insisted on someone who asks even-handed, probing questions, while John McCain insisted on someone who will talk into his good ear.”

Conan O’Brien: “John McCain does not want Dick Cheney to attend the Republican convention, because he says he’s too unpopular. … When asked to comment, Cheney said, ‘I hope the Senator reconsiders.’ Then he turned into a bat and flew away.”