Craig Ferguson: "I hope you all had a good holiday. I was in Scotland. I enjoy going back to the country where I was born. That must be what it feels like when Barack Obama visits Kenya."
Jay Leno: "2012 is supposed to be the year the world ends. Have you seen the national debt? If the world doesn't end, we are so screwed."
David Letterman: "Forty percent of the people of Iowa said they were undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen debates."
Jimmy Fallon: "The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Five Years.'"