Jay Leno: "Joe Biden apparently fell asleep during President Obama's speech on reducing the national debt Wednesday. He has now been named an honorary air traffic controller."
David Letterman: "Donald Trump has a great campaign slogan: 'A complex world demands complex hair.'"
David Letterman: "The White House is saying Donald Trump has 'zero percent chance' of being elected. That seems a little high."
Jay Leno: "Gas has gone up 20 cents in just one week. Shouldn't we stop calling it crude oil at this point and call it obscene oil?"