David Letterman: "The United States has hit the debt ceiling. Do you know what that means? Neither do I. I do think it would be wise for all of us to learn to speak Chinese."
Jay Leno: "There's talk of a new 'Mad Max' movie, where gas is so expensive people steal and kill to get it. It takes place in the future...like July."
Jimmy Fallon: "Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, 'cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'"
Jay Leno: "Donald Trump says that he will not run for President. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate."
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