Jimmy Fallon: "The U.S. is now in serious danger of defaulting on our foreign loans, which explains why today, China showed up and broke the Statue of Liberty's kneecaps."
Jay Leno: "Democrats warned that if the debt ceiling isn't raised, the government would cease to function. How would you be able to tell?"
Craig Ferguson: "One of Rupert Murdoch's British tabloids was hacking people's phones and listening to their voicemails. Victims said their iPhones were so messed up that they were actually working."
Jay Leno: "The royal couple really immersed themselves in American culture while visiting. In fact, when they left, they were $2 trillion in debt."