Jay Leno: "First lady Michelle Obama told 'Regis & Kelly' she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money."
Jay Leno: "Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen."
David Letterman: "Hosni Mubarak reportedly didn't understand the Internet and social networking. That may be true, but somehow he figured out how to wire $80 billion to Switzerland."
Jimmy Fallon: "The New York Times says new cars will no longer be equipped with cassette players. Come on, it's 2011 -- people still read newspapers?"