Jay Leno: "Have you seen these Republican presidential candidates? The only one that hasn't had three wives is Mitt Romney — and he's the Mormon!"
David Letterman: "Newt Gingrich is running for president. This could be the political event of the year — 1996."
Stephen Colbert: "There is little doubt what Trump's eventual announcement will be because he's already decided to run in his mind. That means he's a shoo-in, because that's where all his supporters are."
Jay Leno: "An Illinois state senator wants to take away the state tax deduction from parents with an obese child. I've heard of getting behind on your taxes, but never getting taxed on your behind."