Jay Leno: "It looks like we're heading for a government shutdown. And you thought Joe Biden had nothing to do before."
Jay Leno: "The most embarrassing part is that by the weekend, our government could be shut down, but Moammar Gadhafi's government could still be working."
Conan O'Brien: "Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water."
Craig Ferguson: "Scientists are saying that the ozone layer over the Arctic has shrunk a record 40%. Now, to give an idea how much that is, it’s the biggest hole in the sky not on a Southwest plane."